Weddings
Can we have our wedding at my parents’ house?
Yes. You can have your wedding anywhere you fancy, indoors or out.
We’d like to get married outdoors. Is this crazy?
Absolutely not. Indeed al fresco weddings – whether in public places or at private venues – often have a wonderfully relaxed and intimate feel to them. That said, in case the British weather lives up to its reputation, we always advise there is a plan B: this might be an indoor venue close by or simply the provision of lots of umbrellas! We can talk this through with you.
What happens at a wedding ceremony?
Each ceremony is written specifically for the couple; there is no set format. But as a guide, a typical wedding might include readings or poems, information about the couple and why they are choosing to marry and perhaps some music. The couple will make vows or commitments to each other and often exchange rings. A sample structure of a humanist wedding can be seen on the Humanists UK website at https://humanism.org.uk/ceremonies/non-religious-weddings/example/
How much does a humanist wedding ceremony cost?
Please contact us to discuss your needs. Depending on the location of the venue chosen mileage charges maybe applicable, but we discuss this with you at the time of enquiry. This fee includes:
- A planning meeting to discuss the ceremony in depth
- Drafting and editing a personal script
- Attendance at a rehearsal at your chosen venue
- Delivery of the ceremony on the day itself
- A presentation copy of the script
How long does a humanist wedding last?
It depends on what you want to include, but as a guide it is usually around 20-45 minutes.
Do you offer same-sex weddings?
We certainly do. Indeed, Humanists UK celebrants have been conducting ceremonies for same sex couples for at least two decades and were instrumental in successfully campaigning for legal same-sex marriage.
We got married abroad and want another ceremony for friends and family here. Can you do this?
Yes, we’d be happy to create such an occasion for you – in fact many of our wedding ceremonies take place under similar circumstances. We can make the humanist ceremony a wedding in itself or think of it as a celebration of your marriage – whatever suits you best. That said, in practice most couples in such circumstances choose to make promises to each other and (re)exchange rings.
My grandmother / aunt / dad etc. is religious and I don’t want them to be offended. Will a humanist wedding be okay?
We recognise that nearly every ceremony is attended by guests of different faiths and of none, and feel passionately that everyone present should feel comfortable and involved.
The focus of your humanist wedding will be on the two of you and your relationship and what you value. Underpinning it all will be the humanist view of long-term partnerships as being strongest when built upon support, equality and honesty. It’s difficult to imagine anyone would have a problem with that!
We’d like to involve our guests in some way. Can we do this?
Absolutely. It’s great when guests are really involved in a marriage rather than simply witnessing it. We will be happy to suggest ideas.
Can we write our own vows?
Personal vows are often one of the highlights of a humanist wedding so, yes, we absolutely encourage you to write or choose your own words, and will give whatever help and support you need to do so. We can also provide a range of sample vows for you to look through and you might want to use some of these or adapt them slightly: it’s entirely up to you.
I hate public speaking and I am really worried about it. Can you help?
Actually there is no requirement for you to say anything at your wedding if you really don’t want to. If one or both of you are worried about speaking, the easiest way to accommodate this is for your promises to be written in the form of questions to which you each answer ‘I do’ or ‘I promise’. The promises themselves can still be personal, but spoken by the celebrant.
Will we be legally married after a humanist wedding?
Unlike in Scotland where humanist weddings now account for 51% of all weddings, our humanist weddings do not currently have legal status but Humanists UK continue to campaign for this. However, many couples take care of the legalities at a local register office and consider their humanist wedding their real wedding. And there really are some advantages to our weddings not having legal status. For example, there is no restriction about what can or cannot be included and where you can or cannot marry. It makes the whole occasion much more flexible and so much more personal.
When do couples get married legally if they are having a humanist wedding?
This depends from couple to couple. Many will have taken care of the paperwork at the register office in the days before their humanist ceremony, perhaps just taking a couple of people along as witnesses. Others do this on the same day as their humanist wedding, making it all part of the celebration, whilst others leave the legalities until after they have had their ‘proper’ (i.e. humanist) ceremony.
Do we have to get legally married if we want a humanist wedding?
No. There are various reasons why people might want the public statement of commitment and celebration without legally registering their partnership as a marriage: celebrants are sensitive to this.
If we have to get married legally at a different time and place, will a humanist ceremony actually feel like a wedding?
A lot of people are understandably concerned about this. In fact, couples tell us that their humanist wedding felt like their ‘real’ wedding, as what mattered most to them is being surrounded by those they love as they make public commitments to each other. And indeed, guests often comment afterwards that the occasion was much more moving and meaningful than other weddings they’ve been to, because it was so personal.
Do we have to tell people that the wedding isn’t legal?
We will talk to you about how you want to manage this. It’s perfectly possible to explain the legal situation in a positive way, saying that this is the occasion you consider your real wedding. But if you don’t want to draw any attention to the legalities then that’s fine too, though obviously your celebrant won’t say anything that suggests it is legally binding.